“I’ll be happy when……”

“I’ll be happy when……..” is a phrase we hear or may have even used plenty of times. However when we use it in the context of putting our happiness on hold until we reach our goal, it may result in an outcome we never expected.

For example : I’ll be happy when I lose X amount of weight, I’ll be happy when I find my perfect partner, I’ll be happy when I find my dream job, I’ll be happy when I move out and get my own house, I’ll be happy when I retire…..

It is as if we have an expectation that the outcome is going to be positive and will make our lives better when we achieve that “when”.

However what if you lose that weight and have excess skin, what if you find the perfect partner but don’t see them enough, what if you find a dream job that requires you to work more hours, what if you retire and then don’t have your health…..Then there will be another lot of “I’ll be happy when…….”. It’s the constant goal of chasing happiness, like chasing that pot of gold, there will always be another pot of gold to go after.

In pursuit of happiness

Some believe we have to make sacrifices and endure a time of misery in pursuit of happiness, and that these sacrifices are justified as it is for a better future. It’s the expectation that what happens in the future will be good. However how do any of us know this to be true? How do we know the outcome? How do we know what is going to happen in the future? We don’t have a crystal ball.

Take for example, “I’ll be happy when I earn X amount of money”. You may have to sacrifice your time spent with your family and your loved ones, while having to work late every night and possibly weekends. Your relationship with them is suffering. When you finally reach that X amount and decide it’s time to slow down, you realise that you have missed bonding with the kids while they were growing up and have drifted apart from your partner. The relationship with your family has changed. How you picture your future is no longer the happy scene you were hoping for. While in pursuit of happiness you forgot to appreciate what you had and as a consequence, risk losing it.

Sacrifices

Another example is, “I’ll be happy when I can retire”. I have two dear friends who owned an off license/newsagents and worked long hours for most of their life until they decided to finally retire. They are the nicest people and deserved a good life. However, just as they were in the process of retiring, the wife developed health problems and was constantly in and out of hospital.

They retired about 13 years ago and their dream was to go back to India together to see their family whom they hadn’t seen for a long, long time. To this day this dream has still not come true for them. She is too ill to travel and spends most of her day in her bedroom as she is too weak. This is very sad. They never took any holidays together as they felt obligated to their newspaper customers, so at least one of them had to stay behind.

“Man sacrifices his health in order to make money and then he sacrifices his money to recuperate his health.”

Dalai lama

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Importance of having a life purpose

There is nothing wrong with planning for the future as long as it’s not at the expense of the present. We all need dreams to strive towards, in fact it’s crucial, however we must remember to embrace the here and now.

In his book “Man’s Search For Meaning”, Viktor Frankl, a neurologist, psychiatrist and holocaust survivor made an observation while he was a prisoner of camp. He noticed that those who survived in camp, were those that had a meaning or purpose in life which gave them the will to live.

Studies show that people with a clear sense of purpose in life, live longer than those without purpose. Having a purpose gives us something to think about, something to look forward to and goals to aim for. If we have no purpose we have no destination, no intention and just reacting to life, instead of living it.

So what is your purpose in life? What gets you out of bed in the morning? What makes you do the things you do? Does what you do matter? More importantly does it matter to you? Your life’s purpose could be:

• Prioritising home and family
• Finding career success
• Inspiring others
• Achieving life balance
• Protecting the environment
• Raising successful children
• Living mindfully

Think about what fires you up? What brings you to life? What are you passionate about? What gives your life meaning?

Happiness in Life

Happiness in Life is an inside job. You don’t chase happiness, you just let it happen. The more you chase it the more it gets away from you. Be grateful for what you have and appreciate loved ones. We are so engrossed in our busy lives that it is good to just slow down, take a break and “smell the roses”. Be aware of your environment and appreciate your surroundings. Be mindful of your body, your feelings and your thoughts. Happiness goes hand in hand with gratitude and appreciation.

Happiness is not about what possessions we have. There are people who have very little and yet they are most content, and there are people who have an abundance of money and are unfulfilled. Happiness is about being happy within ourselves.

To summarise

“I’ll be happy when…….” is the idea that you believe that things will get better when you achieve that goal, it’s the expectation of something that will be good.

We often pursue a dream or goal, however we must be careful that we are not putting our life on hold while doing it. Instead be happy and grateful for the life you have while striving for more. Remember to appreciate what we have right here, right now.

Don’t pin your happiness on achieving that goal because none of us know the outcome, you will find that happiness is within us. Be present and mindful. Be happy and fulfilled in the moment.

The secret to being ageless is being happy. So live agelessly and be happy!

Kath x